I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
