do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
