and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
