it's too hot outside to masturbate.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
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some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
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Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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