My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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