We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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