Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
