my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
