i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
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This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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