maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
