I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
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I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
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I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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