On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he puts the penis in happiness.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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