Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
