Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
