i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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