My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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