don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
