omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
