I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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