On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
