We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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