yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
