You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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