oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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