why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
