Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
