Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
