He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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