After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
