I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
