Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
