Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
