we have pet lesbian snakes
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
