sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I believe in your delicious
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
