first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
