Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
