well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
