Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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