I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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