He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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