Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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