I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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