can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
