Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
