What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
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