i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
