Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
