Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
