why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
