Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him