operation harelip BJ is a go
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize
