I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
