This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
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We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
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I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?