She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life