Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.