someone threw a dead crab at me
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose