fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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