My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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