No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize