I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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