Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
