he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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