I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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