Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
