I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
