apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
