you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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