I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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