State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
