I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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