Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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