call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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