I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Please don't give away my fajitas
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
