shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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