How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
