using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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