Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize