Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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