Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
