drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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