She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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