There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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