her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Who died my cat blue again?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize