I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
