his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She bit a glass in half.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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