I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The power of my boobs compel you
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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