this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
