I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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