my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
